I got caught and feel awful

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guy100
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Nov 15, 2020 11:06 pm

I got caught and feel awful

Post by guy100 »

Ok, let me preface this by saying that I'm not here to bash anyone, except maybe myself, but I'm also not here to get bashed on (it's a fetish forum, seriously, none of us are saints). I've come to terms with my fetish, and I don't have anything against it just as a standalone concept. However, something happened that I'm really having a hard time dealing with. I started secretly recording women in high heels not too long ago, something that I think is definitely creepy and weird, but I've justified it by thinking, no harm no foul. If I'm careful and nobody knows except me, I don't see the problem with it (practically speaking, anyways). I don't share the content or anything, and I don't talk about it, so it really is just entirely my own business. In that way it feels practically the same as jacking off to pictures of a hot friend or whatever, which I think most people would agree is fine if you just keep it all private. Still, I know I'm just doing mental gymnastics to justify it for myself. Like, I find secret upskirt videos disgusting, so I've created this double standard for myself because I'm effectively doing the same thing with high heels, and I can't claim that I'm really doing any better... But I have such a hard time resisting, and especially with candids being ripped down from sites, I'm my only source. It's such an annoying itch and I find it so hard not to act on it.

So I've been recording for a couple months now, and it's been great. Buuuut... today I got a little too bold, I'm pretty sure I got caught. I think some guy sussed me out and ratted me out to a woman I was recording, and it's really bothering me now. I don't "want" to be a creep, and even though I've sort of come to terms with that fact that I AM one, getting caught and ratted out definitely makes me feel a lot worse about it. I think especially the fact that the woman found out is eating at me, because I have no intention of making anyone uncomfortable or anything like that. This has always been a dark side of me that I will almost certainly take to the grave... On the other hand, I'm not sure if I really wanna stop (I'll probably be forced to stop in about a month anyways)? I don't even know what to think right now, I just feel a lot of shame, but also confusion, and idk what else. I know some of you think it's a turn on getting caught, but I personally don't. What do you guys think? How do you deal with knowing you're doing something widely perceived as creepy and weird? I feel awful and just have no one to talk to about this because obviously this isn't a side of me that I share with anyone I know personally. Part of me wants to erase this experience from my memory but part of me thinks maybe it's good that I've been given a good reason to confront this...
Krawfishy
Posts: 44
Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2022 3:44 am

Re: I got caught and feel awful

Post by Krawfishy »

Its ok, we all get caught sometimes. It is definitely NOT a turn on getting caught. The thrill comes from not getting caught. Personally, I am in the same boat as you. I love recording and making videos, but it has personally destroyed at least 1 relationship for me and I suspect it destroyed my other 2 in one form or another. But also like you, I don't wanna stop. It is a form of addiction.
ofcbran
Posts: 37
Joined: Wed Nov 03, 2021 12:00 am

Re: I got caught and feel awful

Post by ofcbran »

I understand that 100%, i dont know why we do these things then try to justify it, it can really be a problem. I dont want to lose my relationship over this but i just cant stop, I discovered a fetish ive always had and now its hard to think of anything else :(
johannordpol
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Sep 28, 2020 3:43 am

Re: I got caught and feel awful

Post by johannordpol »

I think I once got caught as well and yeah it's a horrible feeling. You try to explicitly point your phone somewhere else but not too obvious and you turn red and start sweating. But you will get over it - especially as you neither seem to know the guy nor the girl.
Krawfishy wrote: Mon May 16, 2022 11:24 pm I love recording and making videos, but it has personally destroyed at least 1 relationship for me and I suspect it destroyed my other 2 in one form or another. But also like you, I don't wanna stop. It is a form of addiction.
I record my girlfriend quite a lot. Not because she wouldn't let me (I guess) but because it's more natural, authentic and less awkward when she doesn't know. I never told her that I'm doing it. Now, hearing this from you makes me worry a bit. How comes you think you lost your relationship? Was it because you recorded her or because you recorded other women?
Krawfishy
Posts: 44
Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2022 3:44 am

Re: I got caught and feel awful

Post by Krawfishy »

johannordpol wrote: Wed May 18, 2022 11:26 pm

I record my girlfriend quite a lot. Not because she wouldn't let me (I guess) but because it's more natural, authentic and less awkward when she doesn't know. I never told her that I'm doing it. Now, hearing this from you makes me worry a bit. How comes you think you lost your relationship? Was it because you recorded her or because you recorded other women?
The first girl was my ex wife. I tried to take a picture or video of every pedicure. Eventually she said that she felt that I loved her feet more then I loved her. But there were other underlying problems in our relationship and we eventually drifted apart.

My 2nd girl found a foot video that I made with a friend while we were together, so straight up... my porn addiction caused me to cheat on her.

And most recently, I had experienced a traumatic injury causing me to be in a wheel chair for a while. I fell into a depressive state. I watched and made foot videos with her that made me feel better but we inherently drifted apart. One day, not too long ago, She broke up with me. She said I have not been the same since the accident. It is probably for the best until I can get my life back together and my addiction back under control but until then, here I am.

But these were my situations and my fuck ups. You could continue what you are doing and be perfectly fine.
johannordpol
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Sep 28, 2020 3:43 am

Re: I got caught and feel awful

Post by johannordpol »

Thanks a lot for sharing this story. I think we all have a hard time to deal with our fetish from time to time. Some people (esp. these days) tell you that it is okay and you should "be yourself" and "love your fetish". But then it's not really compatible to most relationships. I mean I can really understand that it gets annoying, weird or boring for someone who is not feeling any sexual tension related to the fetish.

I really don't have any advice. Sometimes for a period of time I get a bit bored of the fetish and find it actually more interesting to have "real sex". However, that never lasts long. Watching things/someone having sex sometimes turns me on much more than actually taking part.

Anyway, I wish you a lot of luck "getting your life back together" but I'm sure you will.
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sucker4heels
Posts: 319
Joined: Wed Jul 08, 2020 1:30 pm
Location: Nederland

Re: I got caught and feel awful

Post by sucker4heels »

I think the 'issue' with GF's is that you should tell her about your fetish in a fairly early state of the relationship (easier said than done usually). If it's mentioned too early, she might find it too quirky and think you're only friends because of your interest in her feet and leave. Too late, and it might become more difficult to come clean and fess up.

As for getting caught, that can be embarrassing of course. But if you have the confidence to have a good excuse ready, you could still turn the situation into a less creepy one. For instance, right after you get caught, mention straight away that you like those shoes. Ask the brand and tell you'd like to get a pair of those as a present for 'your wife/girlfriend', that's why quickly took the pic.
My cock trample page on ManyVids: https://heels_shoes_boots.manyvids.com/

Have over 2000 pairs of shoes, heels and boots… maybe I need help LOL
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